#FUNNY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR WORK HOW TO#
#FUNNY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR WORK DRIVER#

'A father is a banker provided by nature.

If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war.' - George W.

Nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up.' - Ray Romano

'Having children is like living in a frat house.

'A father carries pictures where his money used to be.' - Steve Martin.

'There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let dad sleep.'' - Jim Gaffigan.

They'll do something that blows your mind and then they'll spit all their food on the carpet.' - Neil Patrick Harris

'You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing.

'We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'' - Erma Bombeck.

'I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.' - Harry Truman.

It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.'' - Ryan Reynolds

'Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth.

'I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.' - Rita Rudner.

That's about all you need.' - Will Ferrell

'For fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye… get to know their name that becomes important when you want something.

'To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.' - Ernest Hemingway.

But fathers bother a chap and never pay his bills.' - Oscar Wilde They pay a chap's bills and don't bother him. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.' - Mark Twain

'When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around.

These are some of the funniest dad quotes from famous people:

#FUNNY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR WORK HOW TO#

'Pro tip: Learn how to 'fix' toys by removing the batteries.'Įveryone from famous Victorian writers to today's funniest comics has wisdom to impart about the role of fathers.

'New dad advice: teach them to call you 'your majesty.''.

'Given the choice between a nap and anything else in the world, a new dad will always choose a nap.'.

'Being a dad means learning how changing a mountain of diapers can change your whole life.'.

When you have kids, you will want to fight her to the death to avoid being the one who sees the sun come up.'

'The first years with your wife, staying up until dawn together is romantic.

They hand you something that looks like a cross between Gollum and a ball of bread dough, and you look at your wife and tell her it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.'

'Fathers need to tell little white lies right from the start.

'Being a dad is about creating a human when you aren't necessarily capable of putting together a bookcase without help.'.

If you're attending a baby shower and need to give a new dad a gift and some advice, one of these quotes can sum things up:

60+ Father-Daughter Quotes That Capture Their Lovely Bond.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad: 60+ Heartfelt Messages to Celebrate Their Love.40 Funny 60th Birthday Jokes and Quotes.'Nothing is funnier than people without kids telling me how tired they are.'.'I know when my kids need money because that's when they laugh at my jokes.'.'Don't touch my car, my beer, or my daughter.'.'There's no joy quite like the happiness that comes from embracing your kids.'.My dad jokes are proof that I'm the funniest dad alive.' 'Dad jokes are how I keep from crying.'.'Having a conversation while having children is like trying to do your taxes in an inflatable jump house.'.'The key to being an awesome dad is aging without maturing.'.'My daughter doesn't have any daddy issues, but I can guarantee her boyfriend will.'.When they're teenagers, it's Dad's turn to pay them back.' 'When your kids are toddlers, they'll embarrass you constantly in the grocery store, at the doctor's office, at the park, everywhere.'For the first two years, being a good dad is mostly about keeping your kid from finding new and creative ways to hurt himself.'.'Fatherhood is all about pretending neck ties are the best gifts you ever received.'.'Being a dad is when you realize you can actually like people who puke in your car multiple times.'.'No one wants to see Dad dance, but he does it anyway.'.I don't tell them I don't actually like any of them.'

'My kids always ask me which one of them is my favorite.

#FUNNY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR WORK DRIVER#

'Being a dad at bedtime is like being a designated driver trying to get your friends to leave the bar.'.

'Raising kids is the only job where you work 24 hours a day and it actually costs you money.'.

Nothing sums up the dad experience quite like these funny quotes:

Funny words of wisdom for work